is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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