I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
