he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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