i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
