So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He? As in you personified your dick?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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