I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
