True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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