2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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