Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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