what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
