I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
