id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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