All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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