did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
