I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
