He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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