hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
