I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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