If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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