You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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