return my video game
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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