My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
