If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
