I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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