Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
