My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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