There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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