She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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