his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
