I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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