If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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