I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
