The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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