I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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