Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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