All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
