well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
