is your mom at the bar?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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