It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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