i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
