maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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