I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
