We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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