I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
