Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
