she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
