whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
