I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
