My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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