I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
