thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
