I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
