May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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