Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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