I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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