My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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