does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
