Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
