I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
