i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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