Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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