I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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