my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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