I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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