i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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