Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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