Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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