Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
