Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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