I could make wine with my vomit
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
no you cant smoke seaweed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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