This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
