My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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