I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
