Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize