Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
