At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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