We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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