I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
