please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
