I will die if light touches me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
