apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
